On my travels in india, i came across a type of meditation called vipassana, and I was inspired enough by a fellow traveller (a lovable canadian called xaaq who was full of inspiration) to give it a try. It consisted of silent meditation, about 10 hours a day, this is an email i wrote about my experiences. Written in a moment of clarity:
 
“The idea of it is that life is full of suffering, this happens because when something happens we either like it or dislike it, and then develop craving or aversion towards it. Vipassana is about learning this through direct experience, and not intellectualising. Compared to other types of meditation (the teacher said), your not in a relaxed state of peace, it is quite painful and horrendous at times. They say that it is like opening a deep wound in the body to perform an operation.
 
Firstly you spend three days concentrating on your breath in order to concentrate the mind. Then you do the vipassana technique. This means that you scan your body from head to foot, and notice any sensations that crop up, pleasant or unpleasant. Sometimes a very painful back or a strong itch, or subtle pleasant buzzing over the whole body. The teaching is that when we experience something in life, this creates a sensation on the body, and changes the breath, and it is our reaction of craving or aversion to these sensations that cause us suffering (if you dont have what you crave your unhappy, if you crave for pain to go away and it doesn’t your unhappy). So you have to feel sensations and then not to react to them at all, just to observe them. The idea is this stops the mind forming habitual patterns of craving and aversion to situations. By doing this your old habit patterns, past reactions (reacting to situations with aversion i.e anger, fear etc etc), come up in the form of unpleasant situations, and habit patterns of craving happiness etc come up in the form of pleasant sensations, and you observe all these with equanimity.
 
Its not about being unemotional at all, I chatted to the teacher, and i’ve experienced myself slightly already, you just have more space to react with the correct emotion and not just react, oh this situation is unpleasant i’ll be angry. If anger is the correct emotion to have, then get angry! 
It’s very much about grappling with deep down emotions in a very real way, and not at all about being serene and placid, and no intellectualising at all. They have some theoretical teachings, but it is irrelevant whether you believe these or not. It is very nice because there are not rites or rituals, no god to rely on, and the teaching is based on other peoples experiences. There is nothing to worship, and it is very much about finding things out for yourself and not relying on false feelings of religiosity, rituals, moral codes, communities etc. Although it is also fine to be a strong christian or muslim for example and also practise vipassana.
 
For me it is very refreshing. When I think about it if I read a book about something or have intellectual chats (which I will continue to do both as they’re very interesting), you might learn about how to live a good way of life and thats good. It doesn’t really register deep down though, maybe I change a few minor things but it is not learning through experience. One way they put it is that if you read a book, it is like reading a menu in a restaurant. You get excited about the food and chat about the food but you dont really know the food. You just like the idea and superficially feel good and learned. You have not actually eaten the food (so in life swap food for truth), and you need to do something to directly experience it. They are always saying not to believe what they are saying, that you need to find out for yourself.
 
I hope I dont sound like a tape recorder! It was very hard, you dont talk or communicate with anyone but you are eating together, sleeping together, meditating together, although males and females are segregrated. It was quite odd but you get used to it and it is funny how familiar you become with people through just being with them and not communicating. On the 10th day you break the noble silence, and then meditation is much harder because you have so many thoughts, you irrationally crave for other peoples more heightened deep experiences for instance, which is not the point at all!
 
You can chat to the teacher throughout the course which I did a few times, he is very warm and jolly, and made me feel much more tranquil when I was freaking out and wanting to leave (it doesn’t matter what you feel, just concentrate on it and observe!) I do love the main teaching which to me is, it doesn’t matter whether good or bad things happen, just observe them, do not worry or crave or hate etc, and so become at peace with any experience that happens to you. It’s also emphasised to help others and love all beings. If someone is attacking you for instance, OK you will need to defend yourself, but throughout that instead of hating the person you feel great compassion and love and act out of compassion towards them instead of creating negative emotions of hate.
 
I feel much more at peace with things after the course. Being able to not get into silly pointless loops, to disconnect yourself for a second, step back, observe what is happening and then act in a much more positive and loving way. I am trying to meditate twice a day, an hour each time, which is what they reconmmend.
 
It was very brilliant, and no silly philosophy and mind games, direct experience, you very much grapple with things, gritting ones teeth is integral to the meditation.”

Since then, i have ceased to do the meditation, someday I will try to get back into it, I feel it is a good way, not THE way, but a way to navigate through life, and quite a good one at that. The buddha said that there are two mistakes one can take on the spiritual path, not starting it, and not finishing it. One day, one day…

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